How to deal with a cheating spouse, and how you two can repair your marriage

How to deal with a cheating spouse, and how you two can repair your marriage.
If your marriage is being damaged by a cheating spouse, there are ways you two can recover from that infidelity. The cheating spouse as well as the faithful partner need to come together and ask some difficult but important questions.

The way you respond will "determine" your readiness to restore your relationship and allow marital healing and recovery to occur, for both the faithful and the cheating spouse.Each of you should find a quiet place, separate from each other, and take a few minutes to honestly answers these questions. The cheating spouse and the faithful partner should answer:Are you both willing to acknowledge that something has gone wrong in your relationship? It’s most likely the case that the cheating spouse was unhappy with the marriage and thus distracted him or herself with the affair.

This is not to say that it is the non-cheating spouse’s fault or responsibility for the infidelity. But is necessary that you both assess your relationship prior to the affair. Are you willing to do the hard work required for healing? A spouse cheats because affairs are generally exciting, even addictive, with their sense of newness, infatuation, and obsession. So it’s hard for a cheating spouse to let go of that excitement in exchange for a committed, mature love. That means that it will take work from each of you to let go and move on.

The non-cheating spouse needs to heal from the betrayal, when his or her entire perceptions of the cheating spouse were shattered. And you both have to find a way to survive that hurt, so you can then work to move through the pain and reestablish trust. Are you both willing to do what’s necessary to restore trust? Genuine remorse is necessary from the cheating spouse. He or she needs to end the illicit relationship, just as the non-cheating spouse needs to establish firm boundaries for future behavior.

The cheating spouse should answer:Are you willing to be accountable from this point forward? Your infidelity has violated your partner and your vows. At this point you have to allow yourself to hear the feelings of pain your cheating has created, and be more accountable. The only way for trust to be reestablished between you two is for you to express sorrow for your cheating, to vow not to cheat from now on, and then to go about proving your commitment.

The non-cheating spouse should answer:Are you willing to forgive? Forgiveness is some of most difficult work in life, but it is also the most rewarding. It is extremely demanding, especially when we’re talking about a betrayal this intimate. The cheating spouse must accept responsibility, but the partner who has been faithful must also resist the urge to return the hurt that he or she undeservingly received. Once you’ve considered these questions individually, discuss your answers.

Based on what you learn about yourselves and each other, you can begin to put together a plan of action that can help you begin to recover from the pain you’re both experiencing.For the cheating spouse as well as the non-cheating spouse, the ultimate goal is to find a way to leave your past hurt and indiscretions in the past, and move forward toward a stronger and deeper relationship. The more honest you can be with yourselves and each other, the greater chance you’ll have at reestablishing trust and commitment in your marriage. by: Grand Langston